THE BOX

“Rejoice always! Pray constantly. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.”  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Let me just say that this verse caught my attention a day or so ago. 

If someone told me I HAD to lift a box that weighed 100 pounds, I simply couldn't do it.  I know I couldn't...it's just too heavy a load.  Perhaps there was a time in my life when I may've been able to, but certainly not at 50-whatever-I-am.  Even if I really wanted to lift the box and had a better-than-perfect attitude about lifting it, that doesn't change the weight so I still couldn't do it.  If the box were full of something I really wanted (and it is) and I knew it would be all mine IF I could just lift it, the reward, no matter how great, still wouldn't change the fact that it is impossible for me to do.

So, not being able to lift the 100-pound box is discouraging me, aggravating and is very disappointing!  I'm completely sad that it's impossible for me to accomplish.  I sure think I could've done it thirty years ago, when I was in my 20's - oh wait - I DID!  I totally remember lifting that heavy load back then...but now? NOW? Now, my bones hurt, I'm fat and not fit, actually everything hurts - I guess from my cancer meds, my body aches from being old and outa shape, I'm weaker and tired more often than ever in my life - not to mention that sleeping is next to a miracle in this fifth decade of my existence.  In spite of all that, I'm really good at what I do, I haven't lost a bit of that enthusiasm or desire to give 100% - it's just this obstacle of having to lift the box that I can't summons my old bones to be able to do.

But wait!!! Oh man!  Nimesis!  God tells me in that verse up there, that I am supposed to "Rejoice always!" 

Ummm...rejoice?  That seems so contradictory to what I feel.  I'm supposed to rejoice that I can't lift the box that I really want, but can't have unless I can lift it?  Maybe I"m supposed to "Pray constantly" so I can rejoice.  But then wouldn't that've appeared first chronologically?  Sure it would have - God never makes mistakes.   Then..."give thanks in everything..." was the next directive - and somehow that seems way too hard for lil' ol' me to do, too.  Seriously?  I'm supposed to say (and mean it): "Thank you God that I can't lift this box that I really want and need to lift!"

GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS!  Even about boxes.

I know now, after being miserable, stewing and fretting, crying and having a total pity party for my wittle self clear since Monday evening, that I AM supposed to rejoice, pray and be thankful that I can't lift the box.  I don't know why I'm instructed to be happy about this thing that makes me so sad - but I am.  I don't even know why I'm expected to lift the box - it feels disrespectful to expect me to have to do that -  but it is what it is and God's word is what IT is. 

About 24 hours into my whining, gnawing, gnashing of porcelain crowns (used to be teeth) and self-induced - or at least self-allowed sadness, along with all-night conversations with God, the verse started to make sense and my angst started to disipate (a little).   I will do as I'm told and rejoice because I know God knows better than I do about this box.  I can only imagine: He has a lighter box in store for me to lift, maybe a better box for me to lift, or perhaps He's taken all the lifting out and there will be none involved at all!   I am going to pray, too, just like I'm told.  I've concluded that "praying constantly," first of all, sure can't hurt anything and second, is really the ONLY thing I have in my arsenal to respond to this hurt.  Prayer will help me get past not being able to lift while the orders are: "Lift."  

Jesus promised me and has proven to me again and again, that He can work it out so bad things can have a silver lining or some semblance thereof.  Yet, when I found out about the box, I questioned all of it!  I got all messed up because of some silly, too-heavy-for-me-to-lift box?!  Like that would help me get it off the ground?   And finally, in the last 24 hours, He has helped me to be able to approach all the circumstances surrounding this box-lifting-dilemma with a little bit of THANKS. (I have a long way to go, though.)  THAT alone is a miracle - all things considered - because I was, as my daddy would've said, "Lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut." 

I dunno - maybe this box might help me meet some new people who can help me or I'll meet someone I can help do something that they can't.  Maybe I'll get a new, lighter-weight box - or who knows - maybe no box at all!   Could it be that God knew this box is what it would take to get me moving?  Maybe the box will somehow, in the end, become less of a desire and more of a stabilizer, equalizer or motivator.  I don't know how this sad feeling will or even can be turned into a not-sad feeling, but God already IS helping me not feel quite as upset about it. (I mean - I didn't throw up my dinner tonight - in stress about the box - like last night.  THAT's a step in the right direction. Right?!)

God speaks to us in many ways:

I'm showing SOUND OF MUSIC to my fourth graders right now.  There's a line in it that, along with the Thessalonians verse, also captured my attention.  When Maria finds out she is being forced to leave the Abby, the place where she feels connected and in a position she believes God has placed her, she says, "When someone closes a door, God always opens a window."  I am rejoicing, praying and going to be thankful for that open WINDOW of opportunity.  God will take good care of me and help me locate that window.  You know, it's not so bad to be sad...it's just not as fun as being happy...and I always get closer to God when I'm stuck with something I can't control.  It seems I have to get to that point time and again, to be reminded that HE HAS IT ALL IN HIS PLANS MADE ESPECIALLY FOR ME.  I know He will help me somehow...maybe leave the box alone and move on to a different box without a broken heart....  Maybe He will help me lose the attachment and need I feel for that box and help me know that whatever takes it's place will be just as good - maybe even better.  He is going to help me adjust to the change I face because I am not strong enough to do what I must.

THE BOX?

I was called to the principals office Monday after school. (That is never ever a good sign.)  He informed me that my "box" will no longer be mine come the end of the eyar and that a fifth grade teacher and class will be moving into it.   In other words, a music room will no longer be available to me and I am expected to travel from room to room, pushing or pulling carts and a keyboard plus any other equipment I need for six grade levels, for six hours.   

This box that has been set before me is too heavy for me to lift.

Rejoice, pray and be thankful with me, will you?  (I'm still working on it.)

me

 

Comments

[Carol Clark]

I know that you can lift this box and that God will bless you as you find the will to lift. I'm forwarding this post to a friend of mine who is struggling with her own box. Her box is post surgery healing. During this year she has had bladder cancer with having her bladder removed and now a bag on the exterior to deal with and hide. After chemo Mary, my friend and neighbor, was just able to be active with yard work, sewing, and visiting friends when she had to have her gall bladder removed on Monday. Mary is feeling trapped and useless with the box being ill health. Thanks for writing the perfect message to help me encourage Mary.